mezutsu88

tbe2 ku rse idop ku kosong..ku cm da xde spe2 lg slain family ku..ku rse cm empty..ape smua nie??

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…

“Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?” I asked.
“I can’t”
“Why? You need to study at home?” I felt disappointment grabbing me.
“No… I am going to meet a friend…”

He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’ before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all. He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why…

Then one day…

Me: Um, Jin, I …
Jin: What…don’t drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many…
Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: Jin…

Jin: Here…take this…
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What’s this?
Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.Then I shouted… “Wait…”
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.
“I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.”
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn’t call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday

After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it’s going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual…
Me: I don’t need it. Jin: What….why…
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
“I’m sorry” He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then…

Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
“Jin! Move! Move away!” I shouted… But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
“Jin, move!” HONK~!! “Boom!” That sound, so terrifying.
That’s how he went away from me. That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.

Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…

“One…two… three…” That was how… I started to count the dolls…
“Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty five…” It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…

“I love you~, I love you~” I dropped the dolls,shocked.

“I….lo..ve…you??” I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.

“I love you~ I love you~” It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much…

“Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…”

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…

For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life.

semalam..byk perkara jadi pada ku..dari ptg lagi mmg cm ade petanda yg something bad going to happened..ptg smlm ku xdapat jmpe my bitter heart sbb beliau kena ikut family beliau blk kg..akhirnye ku kuar sorg2..g merayau2 kt jj..skunk kt jj pon da boring gile da..xde lg muke2 yg geng2 ku time2 zaman kegemilangan ku kt jj dlu..smua muke2 bru je..kalo dlu mne2 ku g pon smua knal ku..siap leh ajak ngulau same lg..skunk nie smua muke2 bru, pstu bt muka kerek je ngan ku, dorg xtau ku nie senior dorg kt jj tu..huhu da la jln sorg2 smlm..pstu mkn sorg2 je kt foodcourt..huhuhu trse cm nk nggs pon ade gak..ku mule terfikir cmne la ble abg da msk polis nnt? 3bln ku xdpt nk kuar dating same, xdpt nk mkn same, xdpt nk jog same, xdpt nk mnje ngan die lg...ku mule pk mcm2 smlm..cmne la nsb ku nnt..dpt ke ku bthn?? dpt ke ku tempuh smua tu nnt?? spe nk temanku mlm2 sementara tggu mak blk kj? spe nk lyn ku lg?? even ku xsuke lembu..tp nnt xde spe nk sakat ku lg..psni ku sndr je..even 3 bln..tp dlm 3bln tu mcm2 leh jd..aku da nekad..abg satu2nye tuk aku..ku xnk cr lain lg..maybe sblom2 nie ku slalu mainkn ati org..maybe sblom nie pon da ade yg ajak ku kawen..n even ade yg ku sndr stuju tp dlm ati ku xprnh rse cm skunk nie..ku xprnh rse yg he's the rite man 4 me...ms ngan najmi dlu mmg die nk serious n mmg ku pon lyn die serious tp deep inside..ku xrse die la orgnye..ngan firdaus pon same..even ku ngan die da plan da nk tunang tp smua tu sbb ku tgk abg2 ku sbuk nk tunang..maybe mood tu dtg sbb sj suke2 tgk org btunang, pdhal dlm ati ku nie..ku pk cmne la kalo ku tunang ngan die? cmne la kalo die nie jd laki ku?? trus trg ku xsggup..tp xtau la npe ku trime die at 1st place? smpai mak ayh ku mrh gile2 ngan ku sbb tgglkn firdaus dlu..tp ngan azim lain..ku trime die bkn sbb terpakse or sbb lynan die cmne njmi ngan firdaus dlu..azim btul2 berbeza..die lain..even die bkn jnis byk duit cm njmi yg slalu amk ati ku gna duit ngan pgkat die..or firdaus yg amk ati ku gna ilmu agama die..azim lain sgt...xmcm dorg...even ilmu agama die kurg..ekonomi pon xstabil lg..tp ku tertarik sbb dri die..keikhlasan die, cra die, perangai die..duit ngan ilmu leh cr..tp keserasian tu pntg...kalo duit myk pon...ilmu seluas lautan pon tp kalo xserasi xgna jg..ati ku btul2 pilu smlm..ku xprnh rse sdh sgt smlm..ku nk sgt nggs smlm..tp tuk ape?? sbb abg nk msk polis?? xmsk akal lgsg..die bkn nk tgglkn ku...die nk cr a better future tuk dri die sndr..ku sptutnye happy 4 him...bg die semangat..even deep down inside hati ku cm nk menjerit kuat2! ABG!!!! JGN PEGI!!! XYAH JE MSK POLIS TU!! huhuhu..tp ku xleh bt cmtu..ku kena kuat jg tuk die..ku kena relakn ati ku...AIN!! KUATKN ATI K!! everything will be ok! XDE PAPE AKN BERLAKU! aku kena redha ngan smua nie..ALLAh tgh nk uji kesabaran ku..ALLAH tgh nk uji ketahanan n sedalam mne SYG n CINTa ku pd die...YA ALLAH! AKU SYG DIA..JGN JAUHKN KAMI YA ALLAH!!

hari ini dalam sejarah..my bitter heart ajak aku ronda-ronda bandar muar..sound so interesting, aku excited sangat nak g jalan-jalan nak tgk bandr muar..

hari nie dlm sejarah..setelah beberapa lame ku ngan bestfriend ku kt opis bgduh..kitorg pon bebaik2 blk pg td...Alhmdulillah..lega ku..ku bkn pe..die byk tolong ku ms ku ssh dlu..ms ku bru2 msk kj, time tu xde spe nk bkwn ngan ku..org2 opis tgk ku cm balachi je..tp akk tu ttp trime ku..bg ku tumpg solat umah die..ajak ku blk umah die tiap2 kali lunch hour..msk same2..ajar ku msk spageti..ajar ku cmne nk survive kt kem tu..die mmg byk tolong ku..even die la org yg byk ajar ku jd matang..die mmg kwn sejati..tp few months back kitorg selisih phm skit..bkn gduh tp juz same2 nk tunjuk ego..so same2 r xbtegur sapa...ku lak jnis yg mls nk amk pot...lantak la org nk bt ape pon kt ku..jnji die xkaco kj ku..die xsakitkn ku..xggu family n personal life ku..lain2 tu lntak r..ku mls nk lyn org nk bt pragai ngan ku nie..

Tahukah saudara semenjak Nabi Adam terkeluar dari syurga akibat tipu daya iblis, beliau menangis selama 300 tahun. Nabi Adam tidak mengangkat kepalanya ke langit kerana terlampau malu kepada Allah swt.

Beliau sujud di atas gunung selama seratus tahun. Kemudian menangis lagi sehingga air matanya mengalir di jurang Serantip. Dari air mata Nabi Adam itu Allah tumbuhkan pohon kayu manis dan pokok cengkih. Beberapa ekor burung telah meminum air mata beliau. Burung itu berkata, "Sedap sungguh air ini."

Nabi Adam terdengar kata-kata burung tersebut. Beliau menyangka burung itu sengaja mengejeknya kerana perbuatan derhakanya kepada Allah. Ini membuatkan Nabi Adam semakin hebat menangis. Akhirnya Allah telah menyampaikan wahyu yang bermaksud, "Hai Adam, sesungguhnya aku belum pernah menciptakan air minum yang lebih lazat dan hebat dari air mata taubatmu itu."


Apa Yang Akan Ditanya :-
Dalam sehari ada 24 jam. Dalam sejam manusia bernafas sebanyak 4320 kali.
Dalam setiap kali bernafas Allah akan tanya dua perkara semasa nafas keluar dan masuk. Pertanyaan itu ialah, "Apa perbuatan yang kita lakukan semasa nafas itu keluar dan masuk ?



Tiga Cahaya Di Hari Kiamat
Di hari kiamat ada tiga cahaya yang berlainan :
* Cahaya yang pertama seperti bintang-bintang.
* Cahaya yang kedua seperti cahaya bulan.
* Cahaya yang ketiga seperti cahaya matahari.

Apabila ditanya cahaya apakah ini ?. Lalu dijawab : "Cahaya yang pertama ialah cahaya wajah-wajah manusia yang ketika di dunia, mereka akan meninggalkan pekerjaan dan terus bersuci dan mengambil air sembahyang apabila terdengar azan.

Yang kedua ialah cahaya wajah mereka yang mengambil air sembahyang sebelum azan.

Cahaya yang ketiga ialah cahaya mereka seperti matahari. Mereka di dunia sudah bersiap sedia di dalam masjid sebelum azan lagi."


Kala Jengking Neraka
Di hari kiamat akan keluar seekor binatang dari neraka jahanam yang bernama "Huraisy" berasal dari anak kala jengking. Besarnya Huraisy ini dari timur hingga ke barat. Panjangnya pula seperti jarak langit dan bumi.

Malaikat Jibril bertanya : "Hai Huraisy! Engkau hendak ke mana dan siapa yang kau cari ?" Huraisy pun menjawab, "Aku mahu mencari lima orang. Pertama, orang yang meninggalkan sembahyang. Kedua, orang yang tidak mahu keluarkan zakat. Ketiga, orang yang derhaka kepada ibubapanya. Keempat, orang yang bercakap tentang dunia di dalam masjid. Kelima, orang yang suka minum arak."

cOw..nate yg paling aku xsuke dlm planet nie..maybe kalo die kt planet lain maybe ku xmenci die cm skunk nie...

he'll leave me eventually..

ketaksempurnaan die adalah kesempurnaan bg aku..

aku benci gile ngan org yg xreti nk hormat privasi org lain..ptut ke die lyn ku cmtu skli?